hello love

december vows.

last month... one week before christmas to be exact, i got to chase the sunlight with a beautiful couple eloping in tahoe.

i know... you're looking at these and thinking i got the post title wrong... that this is a summer wedding and p.s. where the heck is the snow?! well much to tahoe's dismay, there was no snow. only stunning warm sunshine and simple love! pretty awesome. i'm so thankful that they chose to share their day with me... best.job.ever. 

one little word.

i love ali's tradition of choosing a word in january that will be the focus for the year... somewhat of a resolution i guess, but broader. it's a word that gives me direction and reminds me what i want for myself.

2008: say.
using my words to make a difference. challenging myself to communicate effectively. having tough conversations. making the time to tell the most important people in my life just exactly why they are a force in my world!

2009: love.
this word can take so many forms, but my biggest focus was learning to love myself... quirks and all.

2010: reconnect.
reconnecting with old friends... with myself as a mother and as a person. so many opportunities presented themselves that year to help me to live that word.

2011: invest.
my saving grace through all of the messy transition in my life right now. one simple word i chose at the beginning of last year (even before any of the mess started) was meant to be... i invested in my children, my friends and above all, myself. i pushed myself to face my fears and my truth. and because of all that i'm still standing and and taking the steps i need to create a life where i thrive. 

which brings us to 2012... a year of optimism, hope, dangerously dreaming with our eyes wide open!

my word is:

all of the other years, i have chosen my word. this year was different. the word kept appearing in my life in quotes, books... then one of my loving clients sent me this:

"My favorite... 
When you come to the edge of all you have known, when you look out and see nothing but darkness, FAITH is knowing that one of two things will happen... there will be something to step on, or you will have wings to fly.
You have wings..."

fly. it seems impossible. i do not know how to get from here to there. yet. but, i have faith in making my dreams my reality.

fly. clear perspective. for me this saying yes to life... no matter how hard or terrifying. 

fly. fresh air. clear my head and live a simple life.

fly. free spirit. letting go... of what was or what should be. no expectations. accepting what is and being open to possibility.

fly. wanderlust. my heart is open to travel, adventure and exploration. growth.  

fly. "the shell must break before the bird can fly..." (-tennyson) my shell has never been more broken and i'm excited to be.

i'm looking forward to the year ahead... not because i expect it to be any easier. there is A LOT of work ahead, but for the first time in a long time it's my own. i'm the only one that can hold me back... it's terrifying and exhilarating, but i'm going to fly!

here are a few more inspiring reads on one little word: ali: up, elise: choose and great resolutions: ashley ann - awesome! natalie - do what you know and autumn - with some project life love! oh and one 2011 in review from a friend that kicked some serious butt... 87lbs and counting - so inspiring raimi!!!

cheers to 2012! what is your one little word?

p.s. i chose this necklace earlier in the week and then saw this post yesterday... it makes me want to do the same to my locket!

my boy.

laughing, charming, loving, learning, growing...

 

 

such a happy little love... so lucky to have you. 

my girl.

just a few shots from our beach walk this evening... driftwood warriors chasing the light.

there are moments when i see what a little lady she is growing up to be and i find myself out of breath trying to keep up...

love her so.

celebrate.

2012 is just around the corner and the kids and i will be in santa barbara with my brother and his wife to celebrate! for any of you in down in that area, i am doing a mini-session special from january 1st until the 14th:

i hope that your holiday season has been filled with love, laughter and above all magic!

2012 is going to be amazing... i can feel it!!!

give thanks. dream big. see magic.

thank you so much for the love and support after my last post... it was extremely freeing to put my truth out into the world.

at the end of last week a few truths came to light that made yesterday a struggle. i felt like i couldn't escape the words,"your lies become my truth" and "you had me fighting for something you never believed in...". heavy. rough. true. but instead of dwelling on what was i started a new pinterest board for myself to celebrate what will be.... a dream board of sorts. pinterest, i love you!!!

then today came along with all sorts of lovely in tow. new day. fresh start! a pretty little package arrived in the mail and reminded me to recognize the magic... my sweet friend elise does this weekly and i think it's something i'll start doing here from time to time.

1-2. sneaky ramona hitched a ride to school and shared some sugary goodness! (flavors: chocolate, egg nog, peppermint, vanilla & red velvet = yum!), 3-5. dylan & crosby at the holiday breakfast the krupp family invited us too - love you guys!, 6. naughty ramona doodling on family photos (dry erase pen of course... note to self: use black next year), 7-8. the goodies that arrived in the mail today from the above mentioned elise - yay!

hope you find the magic in your world today.

 

crisis and truth.

i have been thinking a lot about what i want my life to look like, what kind of business i want to create and what kind of people i want to attract. i crave an authentic experience... genuine people... a business that gives back. to live fully. to be present. i have struggled with how to achieve this dream and how much of my personal challenges to share in this space. i keep coming back to the same question. how can i ask people to show up with their whole heart if i'm not willing to do the same? i have decided that the first step is to share my truth.

the truth is that crisis is inevitable…
we are either headed into crisis, in it or headed out of it.

a life altering diagnosis.
a struggling business venture.
a lost loved one.
a deployed significant other.
an unexpected divorce…
really i could go on and on.

the truth is that crisis does not rely on prejudice.
all of these things are directly affecting people i love. right now. 

the truth is that reason would tell you it's all pointless. however, while we do not get to calmly schedule our encounters with crisis, we do still have control. we do get to decide how we will handle situations. will we be defeated or defined... a victim of circumstance? or will we take the high road and leave the naysayers behind? 

the truth is that my husband and i are separated. we have been since the beginning of october.

the truth is that i can play the blame game, but it doesn't get me anywhere. on paper i win. in real life, we both loose.

the truth is this has been a long time coming. working as a team is not our strength.

the truth is we are both guilty. we both lied. we both hurt. we both stopped loving unconditionally.

the truth is that no nice words or positive thoughts can simply make this hurt go away. there is no quick solution. only time will heal my heart.

the truth is that my children are the best things that have ever happened to me. ever. i have no regrets.

the truth is that marriage is work. some days it's fun work. others it's just plain hard. but it's work all the same. there need to be more conversations about it... 

the truth is that we live in a world where bailing out when the going gets tough is acceptable. justify is our favorite verb.

the truth is taking the kids, my things and filing sound better. but, they're our kids… they're just things… and it would be an emotion-based choice. there is no easy button here.

the truth is i don't want to be bitter, angry, resentful. there is nothing attractive about those qualities.

the truth is we all think that we will reach a point in life where things will get easier. we won't. it doesn't. but it's still worth it.

the truth is i may be hurting, but at least i feel. i am experiencing all this life has to offer. the good and the bad. i am living fully.

the truth is that by embracing time and space, i'm investing in myself. divorce today would look drastically different than 2 months ago. small victories.

the truth is that i have the most phenomenal support system that a girl could dream of. hands.down. they rock my world daily and shine brightly. they believe in me on the hard days and celebrate with me on the amazing ones. for that i am so grateful! 

the truth is that i'm going to dream big. love freely. dance crazy. laugh loudly. live fully.

the truth is i have no answers. my life right now is uncharted. and while i may struggle in this moment to see through the mess, this all might just be the biggest opportunity of my life. perspective.

the truth is you may think i'm crazy... you may think i'm brave... you may think i'm ignorant or naive. that's ok with me because there's also a chance that someone out there may relate or find comfort in my words. it's worth the risk and i feel better for showing up with my whole heart. so for those of you that have read this far... thank you. 

december daily: start here.

dec 01.2011

i was able to attend a mini-book extravaganza with the lovely (and super talented) elise of enjoy it last month in berkeley. to say the least it was awesome, but i will save that for another post. my biggest take-away from the weekend was getting the base album done for the december daily project. it's something that i've had the best intentions to do for years, but not having the base done ahead of time = epic fail in my world.   

so, it's filled with all kinds of holiday beautiful and ready and waiting to be filled with our adventures!

 
today's story includes the arrival of our shelf elf ramona... d has been counting down to this for weeks now! i am completely in love with this holiday tradition we started last year. her little 7 year old heart bursts each time ramona is found in a new spot! last year the elf showed up with a new skirt after being given her name and today she arrived with new pigtails. it's the best kind of holiday magic a girl could ask for!

hope your season is off to a cozy start.

courage.

there is a munchkin who was born on this day 2 years ago... i never had the pleasure of meeting him, but he has changed my life. in fact, he has had a greater impact on more hearts than most of us could hope to in a lifetime... and he was only 8 weeks new when his family had to say goodbye to him. 

my sweet friend natalie is gavin's mother... she has endured the loss of him with such grace and genuine honesty. she is a stunning soul. this world is a better place everyday because she chose not to be defeated but find courage and inspire everyone around her. she.is.beyond.amazing.

someday i will share more about how she taught me to breathe... for now you can read her story and let gavin and his fierce momma inspire your heart.

mer

natalie, thank you for your love and encouraging words. love you and your sweet family!

 

baby love.

this little pretty made her debut before we even had a moment to take her momma's maternity photos... but, what a lovely surprise to spend the afternoon enjoying all of her sweetness!

in between feedings and cat naps, i got to loose myself in all things newborn. this shot makes me want to shower her soft skin with kisses...


...love the creases on the bottom of her tiny feet.


one of the best parts of my job is getting to capture each momma interacting with her new babe... there is so much love and happiness... and despite what it might feel like for a mom in the hustle of day to day, i see calm.



then, i got another wonderful surprise... sawyer's auntie arrived during our shoot and i got to enjoy them meeting for the first time! it reminded me of friends coming by to meet d when she was new... such happy memories. love at first sight is a powerful thing.

-mer

shana... thank you again for letting me spend the afternoon with your family. i adore you and am so grateful that you were willing to take on such a huge project with brian and i! i'm excited to celebrate our success in 2012!!!